A Patchwork of Evening Fancies

Straws glued together green,
brushing against cracked soles.
Slithering steps winding along
jungles of ants and rats.

Dried blossoms a few amongst
a field of yellow daffodils.
The scent spreads across excess
of flesh desired, and allowed.

Sixteen pale stars across a red sky,
Silver fern rising from beryl earth,
dancing violently on tender wrists,
pausing to sleep at the neck of a ring.

Lights changed colors, predictably.
Relief and rush mingled and crashed.
She blushed, glowed and sighed
and an eight rolled down with a click.

He chanced a hasty glance at the mirror,
catching an elusive whiff of tobacco.
Streets crossed, lanes changed by turn,
the coin given away by his time.

Scaling a dusty hundred and five steps,
crossed the bridge of no streetlamps.
A minute late and fifteen strides away, only.
But the books had already gone to sleep.

Spill

This is just to say,
that we may now do away
with the trouble of niceties.
Incapacity and a lessened
share of fancy shall suffice.

This is also to remind,
that we may now do away
with bothering about time.
Age and a book full of faces
shall let it pass unseen.

This is now to conclude,
that we have fully done away
with reality without the eye.
Hope and a few old spirits
shall keep us from bellyache.

Innominate

A name, a shroud of past
Only a word but, like ice
Sharp and stinging,
A name that reminds.

That which hid many lies,
And which lied many times,
Whose refuge you sought
While mine was refused.

A word that you wouldn’t spell,
But would still be on your lips,
That which wasn’t uttered ever,
For how long would it be veiled?

An entitlement did matter most,
And that which was left almost,
Yet an agnomen you’d take up
And attach and cling on to.

A truth that tastes bitter,
And smells of pity and envy,
Its sight makes me faint,
It is but a hard pill to swallow.

You, born with a name and
The bearings of a man,
Are but just that, springing
From a nameless father.

Chasing from name to bed,
Seeking comfort and chaos,
You ran and ran over an
Unnamed unborn result.

From baptizing you run away,
The aversion to define and call
But hang on to the straws, till
the name deserts you to drown.

Dangling Conversations

Quiet and empty terms
left hanging in mid-air.
The moment lingers, each
trying hard to prolong,
a second that calls for
an utterance from either.

The silence is awkward.
Like that of strangers'
first tryst, on chance.

And, those estranged ones
reuniting, their exchanges
heavy with past refrains.

Voices being cleared audibly,
a flurry of hand movements,
some coffee from the cup spilled,
or a metal fork drops,clanging.
Distractions notwithstanding,
the stillness still stays.

Glances and false starts,
some nervous little laugh,
on a pity of an old joke.

A discoure on the weather
and whether it will change,
jaded matter at the outset.

Each in their own thoughts,
trying too hard, too much
to ignore or to be involved.
Will deal with those demons
later in solitude, now dispense
with the tidings on hand.

The conversation haltingly begins,
faltering at places and pauses.
Sighs and relieved smiles on the side.

Episodes of small disomfiture
encroach slowly. Caught unawares,
the voices fall to a humming, tuneless.

The dialogue dips further down,
words refuse any refuge,
cunning allies of this quiet.

You flail and flounder oft
and yet fail at your attempts.
The conversation dangles yet,
you stay on, seeking sanctuary...


P.S : For Chetan, who didn't know, what to do..

I am..

Every time those lips
touch and inhale,
They die a bit,and I, a bit.
I glow and blaze, in glory
enter them and play havoc
Inside, and then leave.

They derive pleasure,
I allow them that
all the while, shortening
my length, their lives.

So I burn once and fade away
into smoke and then fall
smoldering, like ash.
Then I lie, scattered.
And disintegrated-
And yet I continue.

And so I continue.
As they need more,
And again I am born.
My life depends on
them, their addiction.
Theirs on my end.
Permanent, if they allow.

By me and Hogwash

Mannat

She saw him being dragged away
by the roots of his hairs,
They held him bound in chains
and whipped and lashed.

She cried herself hoarse
seeking her lover's escape,
begged mercy from the pirates
who had ravaged many a shores.

They took him beyond lands
unknown and a hundred seas.
Locked in sand filled dungeons
on an island nowhere on map.

She went searching for her man
from nether to high lands.
On unruly waves and wilderness
she carried her grief in her heart.

Parched by the desert sun,
weathered by the mighty winds,
drowned by the pouring rain,
Yet she marched forth in her quest.

And last found a tavern
to which none paid any heed.
The moonless dark sky
compelled her to take refuge.

There she found her man
clasped in another woman's arms.
Tears betrayed the hurt
she felt in her happiness.

Her heart broke into a thousand pieces
and nothing could mend it now,
for forces of nature may bleed your skin
but love scorned burns the heart.

Then she walked into the sea
and let the sea caress her wounds.
Further she went into it
and slumbered in the deep.

Her spirit lies lonely and seeking,
the sea waves wildly lament her sorrow.
Whenever the moon begins a new phase,
she dies another death of perfidy.

--------------------------------------------------------

http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=31598904&tid=2571719893087160562&start=1

I found this one in one of my old diaries...
and I have no idea why it had been titled Mannat then. Since I can't find any better title, I'd just stick to this one.

To Bluntschli,

To Bluntschli, my chocolate-cream soldier

Our eyes may meet and
you may not see my mind
hidden behind it.

You may hear my voice yet
not identify the stirrings
of my soul within.

You could hold my hands
but never the warmth
exuding from them.

If you were in love with
me- would you then?

Many careless afternoons
spent in your arms,
recalled with tender care.

Walked that path home,
everyday, at twilight,
hand in hand,at times.

Said so much to each other,
with our eyes and signs,
and sometimes, without them.

If you aren't in love with
me- then why do feel the same?

With each other, everyday,
all our lives almost,
spent and cherished.

We kept looking, everywhere
for our better halves,
never heeding the present.

All that while, every time
we forgot to notice,
who we were, who we are.

If we are in love-
why are we so silent yet?

http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=31598904&tid=2561488707609954546

Lingering love..

Love that lingers,
waits awhile for you..

Scents trail behind-
whiffs of memories

The touch that never
left the feeling on skin

Meanings locked in eyes,
lost somewhere deeper

Smiles that said much
and hid many secrets within

Tears, with nowhere to go
filled with infinite joy

Heart beats slowed down
to an eternity's space..

Spent in frozen time,
our own universe

Love that lingers,
stays awhile with you..


http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=31598904&tid=2561488967455475954&na=4

Miracle

A miracle in hold,
struggling to free,
from slippery hands
and a sceptic mind.

Is it in wait
of a better time?
Or a softer spirit
yielding to it?

Would you release
it for a joy you fear
you don’t dare dream?
Or rather smother
it to save unforeseen
desires from dying?

Let the miracle unfold
and change your life,
for better or worse,
than linger on chance
and watch wishes and hopes
wilt away before your eyes.

Free the puerile butterfly
into the unknown blues,
lest its lengthy confine
bring its untimely close.


http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=31598904&tid=2548739326972528882

Blank

this one's after really long...

Blank--

I'll become a blank page,
if I continue to lose
those unwritten tales
from an endless maze-
a palce I never went to.

Is there any way in???
Directions from a guide,
reluctant to let slip
that long sought gift-
a key to my mind.

Those unknown,unseen,
probably long lost.
Saw much of a distant dream,
locked in some discrete realm,
now mere memories and dust.

Just floating around-
voices and sights there
not ready to settle down,
not destiny-bound,
illusory and real in pair.

Stained by blood,a bit,
they refuse to fade away.
But harder to get rid
are the tears left behind.
overwhelming,they stay.

Memories,too many of them,
an uncomfortable sojourn.
tumultuous they remain-
a torrent you cant stem,
a half grief you cant mourn.

I'll remain a blank life
if this turmoil continues to linger.
Can I end this hollow strife?
Can I just aimlessly write,
and put this madness to paper?




http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=31598904&tid=2541094892923521266

Hope, perhaps?

---I was moving around injured..
Tiny cracks within me,
I was afraid and scared
of letting those wounds deepen..


Then along came that ailment-
love, in overpowering strong torrents.
I try to hold on, not to relent,
but I succumb, madly to that madness.

A new world opened up before me,
there before my jaundiced eyes..
violets seemed bluer than the sea,
clouds bloomed like lilies in the skies..

Would you believe I was in love?
A sudden burst of sunlight,
flutterings of a chained dove..
fighting restraint with all might..

I give in, I simply surrender
to this wonderful sense of bliss.
As lucky as I have felt ever
the fates have ordained, as it is.

I'm getting used to this
languorous labor of pleasure,
letting countless days and nights
catch me up to measure..


On a sudden wintry cold day,
this dream comes to an abrupt end.
My life's swiftly stolen away
leaving many broken pieces to mend.

I am swept away by the grief,
I fear my heart breaking apart.
I doubt my love's truth, my belief,
and agonize over that perfect past..

A joy lost before I could even hold,
take my memories to imprint.
Reminiscences of yesterday and old
bring smiles with a teary glint.

As I seek to repair that broken piece
with iron shackles, fetters and a latch,
to myself I make a difficult promise
to never let ardent love to attach.

Trudging along with such a misery
under the burden of such a vow,
I seethe at my misfortune in fury
unable to allow insecurities to go..

I do not know against whom I wage wars-
Against my own uncertain emotions or destiny?
Was it written by those faint distant stars?
Or by someone stronger-a greater divinty?


Spring creeps in on tiptoe,
buds open up to a tender sun-ray,
the frostiness would soon flow,
the chill eventually go away...

The heart has learnt to accept
and tries to move on with life..
I take courage from the floret
that flowers despite winter strife...

March has brought the colors to fore,
Meadow greens, roses red and golden entice..
I have never seen such beauty before-
Was I too busy in mourning to once notice?

I owe my heart to life's such glory-
I'm sure love, as it knows, would understand.
How long can one wallow in melancholy?
How long does one, for grieving sake, lead life so bland?

I tread on tentative steps- not yet
ready to hurl myself head over heels.
I find love but play hard to get,
there's still that promise to deal..

Try as I may, I fail nevertheless.
Love overpowers me yet again,
And I submit easily, helpless
to fight and deny myself a haven..

Bright summer sunbeams seem to melt
my frigid metal bearings.
And again, yet again, I just assent
to flow with springtime tidings..

Yesterday's bitter wounds still pain,
And there's a lot to worry about tomorrow-
But not loving today would go in vain..
Hope is the best, perhaps the only answer to my sorrow..

Hope's been crushed and lost much in past,
and it is but unborn in the time to come-
the only time it promises to last
is today, now- while waiting for the dawn.



I write this extra long poem after finishing James Patterson's- Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas which is "for everyone who's loved and lost and learned to love again".


http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=18314183&tid=2528808952142235890&na=4

Poetry is dead...

poetry has died a lonely death
overshadowed by mundane musings.
of words and rhythm there- a dearth
created by a dreary view of things.

sonnets do pale in comparison,
as lyrics fall in their stature.
ballads now lie forgotten
in the wake of poetry's departure.

a letter not written to love,
a song not sung from the heart,
all the romance that you could have
its now gone and forever lost.

Milton has died and Keats too.
Frost lies frozen in some corner.
wordsworth an anonymous forgotten hero
Emily and Plath were remembered never.

poetry's death i sit and lament
the magic's gone it seems, forever
if only literary fate would relent
and bring verse back on paper.

we've run out of words now

resorting to banal platitude.

time has finally taken a toll

poetry has failed our fortitude.

all our attempts are futile,
we just dont measure up ~
the passion is missing.a title
for dead poets society's come up.


http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=18314183&tid=2520683644964833522&na=4

LISTEN TO ME....

i am standing all alone,
at home, at school,
all screaming at me insolently,
my silent tears unproven.

i am waiting for my turn,
for an offence uncommitted,
defenceless and powerless,
i'm beaten till i burn.

i am looking at my reflection
on the shiny marble floor,
cleaned and scrubbed for hours,
my only means for compensation.

i am weaving the fabric,
sequins and stones shining,
with every flash of colour,
a bleak future i pick.

i am gazing at the stars dim,
fireworks lighting up the sky.
with every cracker that you burst,
gunpowder scorches my skin.

i am getting dressed,
ready to be paraded around
and sold to some savage,
of my dignity i'm stripped.

i am lying on my bed,
trying to numb the pain,
the creeping familiar scent
fills my mind with dread and hatred.

i am playing in the park,
a stranger comes and lures me away,
amongst the flowers my innocence snatched,
i'm left with memories dark.

i am the child you all have known,
have seen and ignored always.
i am the child abused,neglected and battered.
i am just a child, have you forgotten????


STOP CHILD ABUSE.

written for 12th Feb'07- Youth Activism Day. Our cause- Stop Child Abuse.

http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=18314183&tid=2515297766713067762&na=4

wish you were here..

i wish you were here
to hold my hands tight,
when my palms get sweaty,
wipe them on your shirt.

i wish you were here
to play with my hair,
when they are wind-blown
to entangle your fingers in them.

i wish you were here
to smile at me sheepishly,
when i look suspicious
to give me your toothy grin.

i wish you were here
to share this cola with me,
when you get more than me,
fight,but let me have the last sip.

i wish you were here
to give me your bear hug,
when i'm cold and shivering
hold me warm and still.

i wish you were here
to sing me to sleep,
and when i wake up
to kiss my sleepy eyes.

i wish you were here,
to be my side on the bed,
when i wake up from my dreams,
please step out into my reality.

http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=18314183&tid=2509077552409348338&na=4

Lethe.

I need to forget.
I need to forgo
seeking that went
many aeons ago.

Skeletons in my closet
creating a babel.
If only i would let,
many stories they would tell.

Memories that haunt
my every present.
They insult and taunt
my reasoning spent.

An elixir to erase
acts and thoughts elapsed,
of moments and days
in a blur they sped.

Welcome me to Hades,
let me drown in Lethe,
wont fight against the tides,
let it swallow me complete.

Let it wipe away my past,
let it make way for future,
he waters are moving so fast,
can i hold on to bits of true?

Years come to end,
I go looking for Lethe.
Mistakes many to mend
but i drink to forget.....


one last offering,this year.

http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=18314183&tid=2507244649345976562&na=4

have you ever..?

have been feeling
lonely,miserable,
lost and defeated.
just felt like reading
this one,a cynic's tale,
one more time....
```````````````````````````````
Have you ever
felt so lonely,
you wish you could
pour out your heart
to any passing stranger?

Have you ever
felt so different,
you wish you could
be like butterflies
indistinguishable
from others?

Have you ever
felt so strange,
you wish you could
lose yourself
among nameless faces?

Have you ever
felt so isolated,
you wish you could
be like music notes
blending into
any symphony?

Have you ever
felt so ugly,
you wish you could
go under the knife
but for your heart?

Have you ever
felt so misled,
you wish you could
take an alternate
to destiny's plan?

Have you ever
felt so empty,
you wish you could
fill up yourself
even with intense sorrow?

Have you ever
felt so confined,
you wish you could
break the glass
walls of your life?

Have you ever
felt so hopeless,
you wish you could
jump from a cliff
without any wings?

Have you ever felt so breathless, you wish you could drown in deep blue sea never gasping for the air above?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
because at times,
I have, I have...

http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=1538&tid=2491827587211593970&na=4

where are you....?

i seek your words
in every letter received.

i find your face
in every passing stranger.

i feel your touch
in every caress of the breeze.

i search for some signs
in every clashing glance.

i hear your voice
in every whisper of the wind.

i sense your scent
in every fragrance my way.

i listen to your heart
in every beat within me.

there is more time
than life they say.

but for now, my life
is just hanging on time.
http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=18314183&tid=2495757076413024498&na=4

Last Conversation

would i be missed
if i just go away one day?
would you miss me?
yes you would be missed
like the effervescent moon.

would tears be shed
in my grief?
would you cry?
yes i would, tears would flow
like the river torrential.

would the heavens cry
for my loss?
would they?
yes they would,angels would sing
like the mouring dove.

would the sun drown
upon my death?
would you drown?
yes i would drown in the pain,
like a hapless bird fallen.

would it be night
as darkness engulfs me?
would you be lost?
yes i'd lose myself in the dark,
like a candle smothered.

would the stars dim
with my sublime soul?
would you fade away?
yes i'd lose my substance,
like a frail fragrance.

would the birdsong cease
as i lose my voice?
would you stop singing?
yes i'd stop singing
like the joyful lark.

would the winds blow
in fury at my mistakes?
would you be angry?
yes i'd be furious at the titans of death,
like a wrathful Zeus..

would the earth shiver
as i do with fear?
would you be scared too?
yes i'd be so scared to lose you,
like the sun would fear losing its light.

would you but live for me
as i lived for you and i loved you?
say you would.promise you would.
yes i would live for you.
Like you would have,because i love you.

http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=18314183&tid=2495756146552604914

Why would you...?

why would you
walk away from me,
when i'm still waiting?

why would you
decieve me so,
when i've been so faithful?

why would you
never look into my eyes,
when they are filled with tears?

why would you
suddenly let go of my hands,
when they are so tightly clasped?

why would you
hurt me so,
when i'm already wounded?

why would you
never listen to my cries,
when my heart is screaming?

why would you
create this gaping void,
when i'm so close to you?

why would you
turn yourself away,
when my body seeks your embrace?

why would you
betray my trust,
when i trust you with my life?

why would you
not let me in your secret,
when i've bared my soul for you?

why would you
hide away your grief,
when i'm feeling your pain?

why would you
never disclose your fears,
when i'm pretending to be brave for you?

why would you
mask your weakness,
when i've shown you my weak heart?

why would you
slip away unbeknownst,
when i'm surrounded by strangers?

why would you
leave me alone,
when i crave your presence?

why would you
go away like that,
when you've never heard
how much i've always loved you?
how much i'll always love you?

why would you
go away like that,
when you've never told me
how much you love me?
how much you've always loved me?

why would you
go away like that,
when we never came to know,
how we lost our love?
how we lost our love?

http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=18314183&tid=2495754576742058226

Six Feet Under

Darkness falls around me
like the snowflakes
as they gather up,
a blanket to cover
the blinding light.

Crimson waves arrive
chasing away the
dying sun rays,
now ushering the
creeping stars.

I wonder if they will
shed their light upon
my solitary figure
enlighten me?
show me the path?

Its pitch-black around me
but for the pale moon,
for now its light,
weak,diffused,yet
a reluctant guide.

I see ghosts of my past
they havnt yet drowned
in the depths of dark
in which i’m floating,
in which i'm lying.

Ahead there is light
that burns my vision.
here is its absence,
enveloping me,
embracing me.

What do i do
to repel this light
i've now come to hate?
What do i do to
escape its overwhelming brilliance?

Let me hide away
in this omnipresent
shadow,larger than
my own shallow
imitation of life.

i'm tired,need my peace
even this obscurity,
being a non entity,
faceless and nameless,
satiates this want.

darkness falls around me
as i lay buried six feet under
numbed,devoid of pain.
life and light depart
Finally,i rest in peace.

http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=1538&tid=2495445384193902834&na=4
http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=18314183&tid=2495445646186907890&na=4