Sunday, December 31, 2006


I need to forget.
I need to forgo
seeking that went
many aeons ago.

Skeletons in my closet
creating a babel.
If only i would let,
many stories they would tell.

Memories that haunt
my every present.
They insult and taunt
my reasoning spent.

An elixir to erase
acts and thoughts elapsed,
of moments and days
in a blur they sped.

Welcome me to Hades,
let me drown in Lethe,
wont fight against the tides,
let it swallow me complete.

Let it wipe away my past,
let it make way for future,
he waters are moving so fast,
can i hold on to bits of true?

Years come to end,
I go looking for Lethe.
Mistakes many to mend
but i drink to forget.....

one last offering,this year.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

have you ever..?

have been feeling
lost and defeated.
just felt like reading
this one,a cynic's tale,
one more time....
Have you ever
felt so lonely,
you wish you could
pour out your heart
to any passing stranger?

Have you ever
felt so different,
you wish you could
be like butterflies
from others?

Have you ever
felt so strange,
you wish you could
lose yourself
among nameless faces?

Have you ever
felt so isolated,
you wish you could
be like music notes
blending into
any symphony?

Have you ever
felt so ugly,
you wish you could
go under the knife
but for your heart?

Have you ever
felt so misled,
you wish you could
take an alternate
to destiny's plan?

Have you ever
felt so empty,
you wish you could
fill up yourself
even with intense sorrow?

Have you ever
felt so confined,
you wish you could
break the glass
walls of your life?

Have you ever
felt so hopeless,
you wish you could
jump from a cliff
without any wings?

Have you ever felt so breathless, you wish you could drown in deep blue sea never gasping for the air above?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
because at times,
I have, I have...

Saturday, December 09, 2006



And I'd give up forever to touch you'
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life'
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

(break and solo)

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
------------------------------------Goo Goo Dolls---


nothing is falling into place,
the words are just out there
hanging in still air
out of my reach...
im in conflict with myself,
in two minds,
tormenting emotions ferment,
rising up for sudden release...

so,just the song that,
for a long time now,
has left me spell bound,enchanted,
marvelling at the passion it holds
within its recurring words...

Sunday, December 03, 2006

I dont want to miss a thing.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
I don't want to miss a thing


Tuesday, October 31, 2006

little suns adorn the wet moss
creepin up the stiff cliffs
shroudig the rocky mass
along with the little violets
hanging on to the earth
delicate and wily.

Monday, October 30, 2006

hours and seconds
pass by alike..
years and days
seem equally long..

i know i know
not yet not yet
its still so incomplete
grant some time.

where are you....?

i seek your words
in every letter received.

i find your face
in every passing stranger.

i feel your touch
in every caress of the breeze.

i search for some signs
in every clashing glance.

i hear your voice
in every whisper of the wind.

i sense your scent
in every fragrance my way.

i listen to your heart
in every beat within me.

there is more time
than life they say.

but for now, my life
is just hanging on time.

Last Conversation

would i be missed
if i just go away one day?
would you miss me?
yes you would be missed
like the effervescent moon.

would tears be shed
in my grief?
would you cry?
yes i would, tears would flow
like the river torrential.

would the heavens cry
for my loss?
would they?
yes they would,angels would sing
like the mouring dove.

would the sun drown
upon my death?
would you drown?
yes i would drown in the pain,
like a hapless bird fallen.

would it be night
as darkness engulfs me?
would you be lost?
yes i'd lose myself in the dark,
like a candle smothered.

would the stars dim
with my sublime soul?
would you fade away?
yes i'd lose my substance,
like a frail fragrance.

would the birdsong cease
as i lose my voice?
would you stop singing?
yes i'd stop singing
like the joyful lark.

would the winds blow
in fury at my mistakes?
would you be angry?
yes i'd be furious at the titans of death,
like a wrathful Zeus..

would the earth shiver
as i do with fear?
would you be scared too?
yes i'd be so scared to lose you,
like the sun would fear losing its light.

would you but live for me
as i lived for you and i loved you?
say you would.promise you would.
yes i would live for you.
Like you would have,because i love you.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Why would you...?

why would you
walk away from me,
when i'm still waiting?

why would you
decieve me so,
when i've been so faithful?

why would you
never look into my eyes,
when they are filled with tears?

why would you
suddenly let go of my hands,
when they are so tightly clasped?

why would you
hurt me so,
when i'm already wounded?

why would you
never listen to my cries,
when my heart is screaming?

why would you
create this gaping void,
when i'm so close to you?

why would you
turn yourself away,
when my body seeks your embrace?

why would you
betray my trust,
when i trust you with my life?

why would you
not let me in your secret,
when i've bared my soul for you?

why would you
hide away your grief,
when i'm feeling your pain?

why would you
never disclose your fears,
when i'm pretending to be brave for you?

why would you
mask your weakness,
when i've shown you my weak heart?

why would you
slip away unbeknownst,
when i'm surrounded by strangers?

why would you
leave me alone,
when i crave your presence?

why would you
go away like that,
when you've never heard
how much i've always loved you?
how much i'll always love you?

why would you
go away like that,
when you've never told me
how much you love me?
how much you've always loved me?

why would you
go away like that,
when we never came to know,
how we lost our love?
how we lost our love?

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Six Feet Under

Darkness falls around me
like the snowflakes
as they gather up,
a blanket to cover
the blinding light.

Crimson waves arrive
chasing away the
dying sun rays,
now ushering the
creeping stars.

I wonder if they will
shed their light upon
my solitary figure
enlighten me?
show me the path?

Its pitch-black around me
but for the pale moon,
for now its light,
a reluctant guide.

I see ghosts of my past
they havnt yet drowned
in the depths of dark
in which i’m floating,
in which i'm lying.

Ahead there is light
that burns my vision.
here is its absence,
enveloping me,
embracing me.

What do i do
to repel this light
i've now come to hate?
What do i do to
escape its overwhelming brilliance?

Let me hide away
in this omnipresent
shadow,larger than
my own shallow
imitation of life.

i'm tired,need my peace
even this obscurity,
being a non entity,
faceless and nameless,
satiates this want.

darkness falls around me
as i lay buried six feet under
numbed,devoid of pain.
life and light depart
Finally,i rest in peace.

Friday, October 27, 2006

take me away take me away
from this loveless life i lead
love maybe a lie as i always say
but you'd still believe and strive
for the love we know will be
never ours.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

enigma?not really..

i am no one.
i am nothing.
i am nowhere.
monosemy in all.
comes down to null.
void.would you believe?
from cloud nine to
Lucifer's den.
A bumpy ride?
no, a rocking transition.
clueless at times.
can i make it?
what am i?
a spirit within flame.
a flame within fire.
a fire within me.
mere mortals
leaving the world behind
without any imprints
on time and memory
of a single soul.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Killing Me Softly..

"Killing Me Softly"
Strumming dub plates with our fingers,
Eliminate sounds with our song,
Killing a sound boy with this sound,
Killing a sound boy with this sound,
Taking sound boys' lives with this dub,
killing him softly with this sound.
Strumming my pain with his fingers,
singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
killing me softly with his song.
I heard he sang a good song,
I heard he had a style,
And so I came to see him and listen for a while.
And there he was this young bwoy,
stranger to my eyes,
Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
killing me softly with his song,
telling my whole life with
his words, killing me softly with his song.
I felt all flushed with fever,
embarrassed by the crowd,
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud.
I prayed that he would finish,
but he just kept right on
strumming my pain with his fingers,
singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
killing me softly with his song,
telling my whole life with his words,
killing me softly with his song
Yo L-Boogie, take it to the bridge
Strumming my pain with his fingers,
singing my life with his words,
killing me softly with his song,
killing me softly with his song,
telling my whole life with his words,
killing me softly with his song.
Strumming my pain with his finger,
yeah he was . . .
shoutouts and fade.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

wait for you...

i wait for you
as the parched up land
waits for monsoons
to heal its cracked wounds.

i wait for you
as the frozen bud
seeks spring season
to bloom and spread its fragrance.

i wait for you
as the thirsty river
aniticipates its meeting
with the sweet saline sea.

i wait for you
as the luminiscent moon
sits upon dawning sun
to fade into darkening oblivion.

i wait for you
as the west winds
head for high mountains
to caress their peaks.

i wait for you
as the midnight
seeks the rising sun
to clear its dread and quiet.

i wait for you
as the lover waits
for a life time
i wait for you...


i lie here
asleep yet awake
unaware worthless
so lost so lonely
out with friends
seeking the true ones
failing ineviatbaly again n again
without foe or friend
i lie here
underneath this blue sky
seek redemption!?
i dunno what it means
i seek the meaning
on this ground,altar
of lies n deception
i seek the truth
know its out there
hidden waiting for discovery
i never found out
lied to n cheated upon
resolved silence
words could hurt much more
thier futility at the fore
forsaken by love
unforgiven by love
forotten by love
fearful of love
what is it that u seek?
what is it that i seek?
do we ever reach utopia?
do we ever cross this abyss?
do we?do we ever?

Sunday, October 08, 2006


love maybe a lie
but you'd still believe
cant you see its a sham
so many hearts break,
so many forgotten promises
and so many true lies..
i could be on of them
a victim of this lie:love
but no,im helpless,even worse
cause im incapable of love..

Saturday, September 16, 2006


Cynics' Disenchatment with the world.

its such an illusion
this simulated world outside.
waiting to trick you into
this game of make-believe.

you want to believe
that it could be true
what you believe to be
your life,heart,soul..

an ocean of people
swarming on deceit.
a collective crime
of treachery and lies..

a friend would stab
you in the back,
a friend would walk
away witout a glance..

indifferent strangers,
cold and unconcerned..
devoid of any compassion,
humanity a delusion.

so many different faces,
so many different roles,
each played in conniviance,
with people and time.

they pretend and show
what they claim to be.
a facade of charm
draped over reality.

Know none,trust none.
cant extricate the truth
from the brew of false
intoxicating lure.

nothing is right,nothing wrong
it is what you want to be.
morals and principles are all gone
in this distorted fantasy..

i'm disenchanted,cynic now.
the magic's worn off..
let me come to terms
with this disillusion.....

knw its not gud..
but had 2 vent it out
sumhow,sum way..

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

A Thousand Miles...

"A Thousand Miles"

Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces pass
And I'm home bound

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way
Through the crowd

And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by

'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you

It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me

'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in your
Precious memories'

Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by

'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you

And I, I Don't want to let you know
I, I Drown in your memory
I, I Don't want to let this go
I, I Don't....

Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces pass
And I'm home bound

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way
Through the crowd

And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder....

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass us by

'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could Just see you...

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by

'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could Just see you
If I could Just hold you

---Vanessa Carlton--------

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Thank You for Smoking.

it was the very first one,
just one i said,
i dont really wanna do it,
just for trying it out,dude.

out came the smoke,
formless and unaffecting.
where's the high i wondered?
whats all this fuss about??

tried to do it right,
like getting the tunes
of the song u love perfect,
again and again and again.

got myself a teacher,
who knew the ropes
n would be willing
to let me be his pupil.

learnt to take it in,
savour it,let it into me...
let it get me into a high,
let it give me that'thing'.

brain's fuzzy alright,
n oh yeah the high,too.
on a different plane altogether,
man,it was so cool..!!!

tried it once,twice,thrice..
now too many times to count.
it wasnt for jus trying out,dude.
cant u see i really need it???

need to get it into me,
play havoc with my senses,
get my system in a mess..
till i lost myself in the smoke..

enveloped by the smell,
habituated to the feel,
fingers would but naturally
reach for those cigs..

cool no more it seemed..
pocket n me both empty,
just an empty shell,
left with carbonaceous lungs..

a brain that keeps ticking wildly,
body prone to sudden coughing fits,
limbs shivering uncontrollably,
lungs gasping for that air..

i tried n i tried real hard,
to give it all up..
what was the use,i said,
in commiting slow suicide???

but never knew anything,
more difficult than this task..
even the much hated algebra
seemed like a cakewalk..

i'd try for days n days..
then get back for 'sometime'
no relapse,i'm on track..
but bloody weak willpower!

then extreme cures sought,
to get out before i'm dead..
had to sign into that prison..
n get rid of that poison within..

what do i do,dad?
i'm sorry,forgive me dad,i'd cry..
i promise i'll be good,
keep my curiosity in check.

jus for tries sake,no more,
let me out of here,dad please..
before i get more desperate,
n get onto worse stuff from here..

i worked real hard n finally,
it was all over,all done with.
free to walk out from asylum,
free to breathe in some fresh air...

life was good,life was up!
back with good ol' friends..
man,wasnt it a miracle..
how i survived that fate..?

met this dude,really great guy..
asked me if i'd like to try..
this really amazing thing..
n get to another level of ecstacy???

just once i said,for fun's sake..
it wont hurt to just try..
i dont really wanna do it,
just for trying it out,dude...

The Peace-Maker

the peace-maker

Dont know where to go,
both my own,my blood and bone,
fighting against the other.

one has his pride
other has none..
one has her past before
the present...
one heeds neither the past
nor the future...

succumb to my own
selfish motives,
i support none
or so i do...
but to them i show,
i support both.

both are right,
both are wrong,
both blaming the other.
i hate to admit
but i dont want to
do that goddamned job..

i cant to do it,
i love them both..
i dont want to do it,
i hate them both.
a problem of your own,
resolve by consensus.

but no we are dragged,
into the war,somehow..
the burden of keeping peace
falls square on the kids..
stooping already with so much
on their spongy minds.

why give us those options
we cant ever take.???
why force upon us the choices
we can never make.??
why tell us to take sides
when we have nowhere to go.??

its not done,its so unfair..
asking me to settle for
a half-existent family..
asking me to balance fragile peace
between two avenging souls,
from whom i was born..

dont know how to be..
a peace-maker in this battle,
where either way there's loss...?????

Monday, August 28, 2006

Misplaced Incapability

An ode to Nothing-II

Misplaced Incapability:born with it?

want to be loved..
cant say nothing.
a misplaced incapability
cant do nothing.

want to be cherished,
but cant return nothing.
a misjudged vanity..
cant prove nothing.

million reasons inexplicable,
answerable to none.
thousands promises unkept,
complained to none..

dont want to be misunderstood,
aint expressed nothing,
dont want to be mistaken,
aint guilty of nothing..

waiting to be there
just a few words away..
set apart by an incapability
and our egos in fray.

had written this some time back,jus b4 maths exam...

Long road Journey

An ode to Nothing-I

long road journey:captive to nothingness:escaping its misery.

a long road journey
an endless way
an unknown destiny
an untrodden path..

lost and seeking,
crossed many mazes.
seeking and wondering,
gazed at many stars..

the skies opened up
and let down the rain.
the sun burnt up
the dry parched land..

a black dot on the horizon
lost in the sepia desert.
a mirage maybe,a vision
descending from the azure sky..

almost there,yet so far
fingers grasping nothing.
marked with so deep a scar
reminding of empty misfortunes..

its a long road journey,
an inherent curiosity,
to unravel our destiny,
a monotony of nil,null,none..

a captive to nothingness,
a vagueness of life,
this miserable nonexistence,
perhaps be over at the end of the journey..


hav written this after a really really long gap,so plz do read it n tell me if i still can write or hav i lost it.??

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Break Away..


Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

-----Kelly Clarkson--------------------------

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Sarah,My Princess

Sarah,my princess
i love her so,
i see her broken,in pieces
it hurts me so..

the smile i love,
is faltering by the day.
my princess' eyes blur
like the darkening clouds gray.

i watch her fall,smiling
unawares,into this abyss,
deep and ever widening
sucked into nothingness..

i remain helpless and disabled,
see her crumble down and retract
into her shell,impregnable,
desolate, in despair..

life turns hell and
then you die
i half agree,
but tell her its a lie..

my words seem hollow,
bereft of meaning,
they seem to be failing
my love and me..

my eyes seem as empty
without her looking into them
no reflection of my love
in that listless vision.

i can read her voice,
my princess sounds sad.
she's fighting valiantly,
and trying too hard..

she fears she's fighting
a losing battle..
i fear it may just be true,
but i cant concede defeat..

if only i could be there
and hold her to me.
and tell her how i love her
to the end of time..

if only i could turn back time
and stop her fading away,
bring back her essence,her smile,
so real,luminous and gay.

i'd take my sarah,my princess,
my love far away..
far away from fear, from death,
far from this world...

i'd take my Sarah,my princess,
my love to a new world,
a world i yet have to discover,
tell her to hang on...

had written it long time back. but found i could post it only now..

Monday, June 12, 2006

doppelgänger :alter-ego

Cant see the face,
neither hear the voice,
yet it tugs at my heart
pulling at its strings...

there's a chasm in between,
an abyss to cross
of a thousand steps in
my path to reach you..

a wide void filled with space
time cant invade,
memories balanced on a tightrope
time cant pervade.

so far away from each other,
yet in existence,apart
blended from heart and soul
moving back and forth alike.

it seems like an illusion,
but yet so raw and real
a stranger in the mirror
an image of yourself...

love,pure and unblemished
now scarred and blurred
preserved in heart's corner
protected by my blood...

Gone with the Wind

So many memeories to cherish,
so many moments to be missed,
but a soft breeze came my way
and blew tham all away..

Brought a fresh lease of life,
into a tangled mess of emotions.
let them scatter away in abundance
and make their way in the winds.

Its all past and gone,it seems.
remnants,few and scarce
all gone with the wind,
leaving the sweets scents behind.

old flames..

Maybe it will stop shining
like the burning sun in blue skies
or the brightest stars in twilight,
but whatever you do, old love never dies.

Erratic waves of emotions and feelings
may cease to ebb and rise,
whirlpools of passions churning
may just dormant lie.

You may feel like walking out
and ending the sweet pain,
try to forget all about
those romantic nights and days.

It's there in the hearts,
gasping with muffled cries,
surviving the wars of time and space,
doesnt ever die, old love never dies.

Return to Innocence

I want to be in the rain,
drown in the downpour,
let it wash away my pain
and open all the doors..

doors to my childhood reopened,
memories of play and innocence,
untouched and pure,
returnedto my unscarred essence..

feel the drops go down
with my unshed tears
and let it drown
all my unspoken fears..

feel it cleanisng my soul,
releasing my mind
from the clucthes of old
uncommited sins and crimes..

like the trees turning
a pleasing hue of green,
after all the dust and grime
been wiped by the rains clean.

i want to be in the rain
.with the innocence of a child,
laugh like i've never laughed..
and cry like i've never cried..

And thats how they met..

It will never be known as just a co-incidence that they met. Each was aware of the presence of the other.
Sana was worried how he’d react when they would come across each other. She had known he’d be there; after all, it was in his honour that the party was held.
Manu was going through the same thoughts when he saw her arrive. He quickly escaped into the kitchen to look for his brother, friend, anyone.
He was more than surprised she’d accepted the invitation. After all that had happened between them.
She couldn’t refuse, not while she was under her mother’s inquisitive eyes, which would detect any guilt from within a mile. So they went along playing, singing, and dancing with all the others. Never letting each other out of their sights. Keeping an alert eye out for the other. A nice charade they had put up and doing their best to avoid each other. But when you most desperately want something to not happen, it inevitably does happen and sooner than you would like. So the moment arrived. Manu’s mom brought him to Sana and asked,” have you shown her your drawings?” Manu just shook his head without looking up. And when he did, he found not his mom but Sana standing there and looking at him about to say something. but he spoke first,” I’m sorry.” she said”, its o.k. sorry.” then Manu’s mom shouted over the din, “come on. Let’s cut the cake...” Sana said, “I’m really sorry Manu. I shouldn’t have put that ice-cream all over your face in front of all them boys...”
“It’s ok...,” he replied, but now smiling,” I shouldn’t have pulled your piggy-tails.”
With that, they held hands and smiling went forward to cut the cake with five cracker candles on it.

Fixing the hourglass.

fixing the hourglass

i'd like to sleep
some more,
but am jolted awake
by this disgusting alarm clock.

i could do with some
more tea and scones
but no i have to run,
and a train to catch.

i wish it would travel
a bit slow to let me
see the daily rituals
at a slower pace.

i watch the people
scurrying across,
like ants hurrying
to gather food for winter.

i see them trudge along
like androids mindless
just going on and on,
un-bothered by life.

i find time laughing
at us zombies
chasing it on all fours
while it eludes us.

i know we will never
keep up with it,
forget the high thought
of ever saving it.

i go and try
to fix the hourglass.
i think its running
a tad faster.

i fail,miserbly
ending up tangled
in old-spun webs
by time and people.

i decide then
let time run its course.
i'll go slow...
and let time chase me..

wrote this for a friend who went to fix the hourglass which ran a tad faster.

Saturday, June 10, 2006


A lifetime of memories and grief
subdued in my mind
images of an eternity
enclosed in a lifespan
beyond the realms of time and space
bound together at the very core.

Shadows creep across the walls of lost days
lost voices in the winds
whisper in many ways,
calling my soul immoratl
to the day of the living,
Rising out of a slow trance
amongst many a surprised cries.

Walking among the living dead,
their souls stringed in freedom,bringing back a thousand tears,
and then a million smiles
haunting forever the past and future
swinging in time eternal
joining a heart beat of one
to that of another beating heart.


Friday, June 09, 2006


loneliness in itself
haunting my solitary self
tearing into depths
of sorrows and griefs..

bearing apart from others
a world of shared joys
a world of shared hearts
unable to share my loneliness.

like a candle burning
in a blowing storm
fighting a losing battle
against the wily winds..

ceasing to exist
under the swaying gale
but shining with fervour
in dead calm of darkness

lonely in conflict
yet at peace with itself
loneliness came to haunt
my solitary self...


Remains of the day..

A tear drops into my palms
outstrectched to catch those
million raindrops.
but all i held were my tears
instead within my span.

A storm raged within me
very like the hale outside.
Roaring and heaving
like a thousand waves
crashing on the threshold of my dreams.

As the leaves flew away scattered
so ran my thoughts abandoned.
The tree stooped lonely
and shivering
like my heartbeats frozen in an eternity.

How do i live
in these wild winds swaying afar..?
taking away my love from me..
leaving me alone crumpled,
with the remains of the day...

remains of d day

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

love..many a faceted stone..

love, many a faceted stone,
shining with pleasure
at sight of beloved
now and then dimmed
under wordly shades and shadows.
glinting with a malevolence
uncharacteristic so to it
from jealousy and hurt.
emitting a faint glow
so sheer in happiness
of passion, mercy.
deprived of shine
by clouds of grief and loss,
but gone through the mill
of trials and ordeals..
comes out brighter,the jewel
letting the light on it
scatter a million fold,
and give a thousand joys
to many a lonely hearts.

one of my most juvenile writings i feel..


dancing in d rains.

Dancing in the rain.

An ocean of tears burst
upon us
dreanching us down from
the far above clouds
we stoodt there trying
to hold the drops
but they just dissolved
into us.

As we felt the grief
fade away
along with the tears
of the sky slate gray,
and with it came a joy
so infinite
stretching beyond the storm
darkening at the horizon..

Flashes of lightning danced
in wild abandon
with the rhythm and roars
of thunder wild,
while we danced in a torrent
of raindrops,
listening to the music
of falling pearls...

dancing in d rains

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

juvenile dreams

Many a dreams my eyes have seen,
each waiting for the time
when a new day will dawn
to make them come true..

Waited a thousand light years,
and many aeons beyond
trudged along paths crossing
to unravel my destiny..

A fierce desire rose within me
springing from my heart
and a constantly restless mind
seeks the very near yet distant future.

A lifetime of journey ahead
a million peaks to scale
and a thousand failures in between
but still think life's been worth the climb...

juvenile dreams

Monsoon ends:a short story

had written it long time back.deleted it frm my other blogn reposted it here.

Monsoon ends.

Their love seemed to have ended…like an end to an unpredictable monsoon and the imminent arrival of autumn of life...

It was raining. I wanted to go out but she wouldn’t hear of it. It’s such a joy to get wet in the rains. But lately we haven’t gone out anywhere. I don’t know yet.
Last Sunday he had come for dinner. Perfunctory greetings exchanged, we sat down for the home made Chinese Mom excelled in.
‘So how’s school Phil?’ he asked.
I wished he would call me Phyllis and not Phil, which sounded like a boy’s name.
‘Fine Dad’, I replied.
‘I’m leaving day after. We are first going to Paris. From there, as our roads lead us....’
Mom just sat there nodding absent-mindedly.
I could never understand his sudden whim to see the world now. Now, when you were married a good 18 years, had a well-paying steady job in a bank and seemed perfectly at peace with the world. Mom and Dad had been together since school, which seemed like forever to me. And now Dad has been living separate from us for the past 3 months. Away at his own small dinghy which I called his penthouse for it was certainly larger than our own 3-bedroom apartment. Mid-life crisis? He wanted space, he had said. Wanted to explore the world, and live out the experiences he had missed out in his days of youth when he was busy making a career. But then, so had Mom. Yet I don’t see her packing her bags for a world tour and demanding her “space”.
‘…. Then maybe we’ll go to Venice. You know Phil its known as the City of Canals…’ he was going on.
‘Are you going alone or with somebody?’ I asked unaware of what he was talking about.
‘Er--with an old school friend. He and I had been thinking of such a trip since high school.’
Ok. So it wasn’t any ‘other woman’ case. Thank God. I couldn’t bear that. But even this growing distance wasn’t any better. Families are supposed to be together. If he doesn’t care, then neither do I.
‘Er—I’ve got to complete a school assignment... So... Goodnight Dad.’ I said and hastily excused myself.
Dad stayed for an hour more or so. I couldn’t care less about what they talked.
A week has passed since dad had come for dinner and... Goodbye. Moreover, it has been raining for 2 days now.
The doorbell rang. I waited for Mom to open the door but she was lost in her own thoughts. Grumbling and leaving my favorite seat by the window, I went to the door.
Standing on our mat, drenched in rain shivering all over was Dad.
He tried to smile. Failing miserably he just came in.
Mom was still in her own thoughts. Dad gave me an enquiring look to which I gave him one of those ‘its-all-your-fault-look’ and went away to resume my window seat.
‘I came from Paris’, he said.
Mom just sat there looking at him.
‘I went where we had gone 15 years before. You remember Café Farmville in Les Halles.?’
Mom nodded. I couldn’t understand what was going on.
‘Phyllis is still there. Would you believe it.?’
Both Mom and I shook our heads though I guess Mom understood something that I did not.
‘Must be very old now?’, said Mom.
‘Very. Has lost sight, partially though. But still remembers everything. Asked me if we had named our girl Phyllis….’
I did not want to know any of this. Both of them were looking at me and I was surprised how they could look a good two decades younger in two minutes.
“She still makes the best coffee. And is still waiting for her Armand”, Dad was saying.
He walked towards mom and crouched down beside her chair.
‘I wanted to see the world I thought I had missed in my youth. I wanted to explore it on my own. But as I traveled, all I could think was what we had done there when together... how we had watched the sun sink on the river Seine and made a promise to always watch the sun go down together.
After every two steps, I would stop and think about how you used to whine about walking long distances and I would offer to carry you in my arms instead.
At every monument, I recalled how you pestered others to click our photographs.
In every crowded street, I’d remember how you would grasp my arms so tightly that it hurt. At every shop, I’d smile at the memory of you buying the cheapest thing to save money for the rest of our trip.
Everywhere I went, all I thought was about how we used to fight and bicker, get tipsy and used to do all sorts of crazy things and how much I was missing it. How much I was missing you…I went exploring but it wasn’t complete without you. I set out on a journey of rediscovery... but all I rediscovered was the love I still have for you, as silly as it seemed in school, as mushy as it seemed in college, as demanding as it seemed when we slogged 20 hours a day, and as deep and strong as I see it now….’’
He didn’t complete what he wanted to say. Mom had taken him to our terrace and they stood watching the rain holding hands. As they had stood, 18 years back for their wedding picture on a rainy August day.
Now I know. I know why I love the rains. I know why my name is Phyllis when my Mom and Dad are Arin and Asha. And why Dad had come back.
Love is a journey that may seem too difficult at some time and you would like to go another way… but all roads lead to your love at the end of the day. Love goes on in all seasons... Even after monsoon is long gone and autumn is arriving.

Friday, June 02, 2006

another kiddish poem.

its all in my heart
with all the joys
and all the sorrow
but it all seems
so so good
i just cant say
how good it feels
i feel like singing
i feel like dancing
i feel like shouting
with the wind on my trail
my eyes just cry
is it joy or grief?
i ask and just smile
for i know ........
its just time
time for me to be
to be what i love
to be with whom i love
to just sit there and talk
and talk about you and me
you and me that's we
we for us and the world
it all seems just so good
is it what you call happy?

Thursday, June 01, 2006


jus scribbled it down... had 1st put it at orkut though..

Let loose into the wind
among the rustling leaves,
being blown away to
other lands far off..

A little flower travels
across vales and gales
in its fragrant form
lingering in so many places.

very incomplete though..