Thursday, June 29, 2006

Sarah,My Princess

Sarah,my princess
i love her so,
i see her broken,in pieces
it hurts me so..

the smile i love,
is faltering by the day.
my princess' eyes blur
like the darkening clouds gray.

i watch her fall,smiling
unawares,into this abyss,
deep and ever widening
sucked into nothingness..

i remain helpless and disabled,
see her crumble down and retract
into her shell,impregnable,
desolate, in despair..

life turns hell and
then you die
i half agree,
but tell her its a lie..

my words seem hollow,
bereft of meaning,
they seem to be failing
my love and me..

my eyes seem as empty
without her looking into them
no reflection of my love
in that listless vision.

i can read her voice,
my princess sounds sad.
she's fighting valiantly,
and trying too hard..

she fears she's fighting
a losing battle..
i fear it may just be true,
but i cant concede defeat..

if only i could be there
and hold her to me.
and tell her how i love her
to the end of time..

if only i could turn back time
and stop her fading away,
bring back her essence,her smile,
so real,luminous and gay.

i'd take my sarah,my princess,
my love far away..
far away from fear, from death,
far from this world...

i'd take my Sarah,my princess,
my love to a new world,
a world i yet have to discover,
tell her to hang on...

had written it long time back. but found i could post it only now..

Monday, June 12, 2006

doppelgänger :alter-ego

Cant see the face,
neither hear the voice,
yet it tugs at my heart
pulling at its strings...

there's a chasm in between,
an abyss to cross
of a thousand steps in
my path to reach you..

a wide void filled with space
time cant invade,
memories balanced on a tightrope
time cant pervade.

so far away from each other,
yet in existence,apart
blended from heart and soul
moving back and forth alike.

it seems like an illusion,
but yet so raw and real
a stranger in the mirror
an image of yourself...

love,pure and unblemished
now scarred and blurred
preserved in heart's corner
protected by my blood...

Gone with the Wind

So many memeories to cherish,
so many moments to be missed,
but a soft breeze came my way
and blew tham all away..

Brought a fresh lease of life,
into a tangled mess of emotions.
let them scatter away in abundance
and make their way in the winds.

Its all past and gone,it seems.
remnants,few and scarce
all gone with the wind,
leaving the sweets scents behind.

old flames..

Maybe it will stop shining
like the burning sun in blue skies
or the brightest stars in twilight,
but whatever you do, old love never dies.

Erratic waves of emotions and feelings
may cease to ebb and rise,
whirlpools of passions churning
may just dormant lie.

You may feel like walking out
and ending the sweet pain,
try to forget all about
those romantic nights and days.

It's there in the hearts,
gasping with muffled cries,
surviving the wars of time and space,
doesnt ever die, old love never dies.

Return to Innocence

I want to be in the rain,
drown in the downpour,
let it wash away my pain
and open all the doors..

doors to my childhood reopened,
memories of play and innocence,
untouched and pure,
returnedto my unscarred essence..

feel the drops go down
with my unshed tears
and let it drown
all my unspoken fears..

feel it cleanisng my soul,
releasing my mind
from the clucthes of old
uncommited sins and crimes..

like the trees turning
a pleasing hue of green,
after all the dust and grime
been wiped by the rains clean.

i want to be in the rain
.with the innocence of a child,
laugh like i've never laughed..
and cry like i've never cried..

And thats how they met..

It will never be known as just a co-incidence that they met. Each was aware of the presence of the other.
Sana was worried how he’d react when they would come across each other. She had known he’d be there; after all, it was in his honour that the party was held.
Manu was going through the same thoughts when he saw her arrive. He quickly escaped into the kitchen to look for his brother, friend, anyone.
He was more than surprised she’d accepted the invitation. After all that had happened between them.
She couldn’t refuse, not while she was under her mother’s inquisitive eyes, which would detect any guilt from within a mile. So they went along playing, singing, and dancing with all the others. Never letting each other out of their sights. Keeping an alert eye out for the other. A nice charade they had put up and doing their best to avoid each other. But when you most desperately want something to not happen, it inevitably does happen and sooner than you would like. So the moment arrived. Manu’s mom brought him to Sana and asked,” have you shown her your drawings?” Manu just shook his head without looking up. And when he did, he found not his mom but Sana standing there and looking at him about to say something. but he spoke first,” I’m sorry.” she said”, its o.k. sorry.” then Manu’s mom shouted over the din, “come on. Let’s cut the cake...” Sana said, “I’m really sorry Manu. I shouldn’t have put that ice-cream all over your face in front of all them boys...”
“It’s ok...,” he replied, but now smiling,” I shouldn’t have pulled your piggy-tails.”
With that, they held hands and smiling went forward to cut the cake with five cracker candles on it.

Fixing the hourglass.

fixing the hourglass

i'd like to sleep
some more,
but am jolted awake
by this disgusting alarm clock.

i could do with some
more tea and scones
but no i have to run,
and a train to catch.

i wish it would travel
a bit slow to let me
see the daily rituals
at a slower pace.

i watch the people
scurrying across,
like ants hurrying
to gather food for winter.

i see them trudge along
like androids mindless
just going on and on,
un-bothered by life.

i find time laughing
at us zombies
chasing it on all fours
while it eludes us.

i know we will never
keep up with it,
forget the high thought
of ever saving it.

i go and try
to fix the hourglass.
i think its running
a tad faster.

i fail,miserbly
ending up tangled
in old-spun webs
by time and people.

i decide then
let time run its course.
i'll go slow...
and let time chase me..

wrote this for a friend who went to fix the hourglass which ran a tad faster.

Saturday, June 10, 2006


A lifetime of memories and grief
subdued in my mind
images of an eternity
enclosed in a lifespan
beyond the realms of time and space
bound together at the very core.

Shadows creep across the walls of lost days
lost voices in the winds
whisper in many ways,
calling my soul immoratl
to the day of the living,
Rising out of a slow trance
amongst many a surprised cries.

Walking among the living dead,
their souls stringed in freedom,bringing back a thousand tears,
and then a million smiles
haunting forever the past and future
swinging in time eternal
joining a heart beat of one
to that of another beating heart.


Friday, June 09, 2006


loneliness in itself
haunting my solitary self
tearing into depths
of sorrows and griefs..

bearing apart from others
a world of shared joys
a world of shared hearts
unable to share my loneliness.

like a candle burning
in a blowing storm
fighting a losing battle
against the wily winds..

ceasing to exist
under the swaying gale
but shining with fervour
in dead calm of darkness

lonely in conflict
yet at peace with itself
loneliness came to haunt
my solitary self...


Remains of the day..

A tear drops into my palms
outstrectched to catch those
million raindrops.
but all i held were my tears
instead within my span.

A storm raged within me
very like the hale outside.
Roaring and heaving
like a thousand waves
crashing on the threshold of my dreams.

As the leaves flew away scattered
so ran my thoughts abandoned.
The tree stooped lonely
and shivering
like my heartbeats frozen in an eternity.

How do i live
in these wild winds swaying afar..?
taking away my love from me..
leaving me alone crumpled,
with the remains of the day...

remains of d day

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

love..many a faceted stone..

love, many a faceted stone,
shining with pleasure
at sight of beloved
now and then dimmed
under wordly shades and shadows.
glinting with a malevolence
uncharacteristic so to it
from jealousy and hurt.
emitting a faint glow
so sheer in happiness
of passion, mercy.
deprived of shine
by clouds of grief and loss,
but gone through the mill
of trials and ordeals..
comes out brighter,the jewel
letting the light on it
scatter a million fold,
and give a thousand joys
to many a lonely hearts.

one of my most juvenile writings i feel..


dancing in d rains.

Dancing in the rain.

An ocean of tears burst
upon us
dreanching us down from
the far above clouds
we stoodt there trying
to hold the drops
but they just dissolved
into us.

As we felt the grief
fade away
along with the tears
of the sky slate gray,
and with it came a joy
so infinite
stretching beyond the storm
darkening at the horizon..

Flashes of lightning danced
in wild abandon
with the rhythm and roars
of thunder wild,
while we danced in a torrent
of raindrops,
listening to the music
of falling pearls...

dancing in d rains

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

juvenile dreams

Many a dreams my eyes have seen,
each waiting for the time
when a new day will dawn
to make them come true..

Waited a thousand light years,
and many aeons beyond
trudged along paths crossing
to unravel my destiny..

A fierce desire rose within me
springing from my heart
and a constantly restless mind
seeks the very near yet distant future.

A lifetime of journey ahead
a million peaks to scale
and a thousand failures in between
but still think life's been worth the climb...

juvenile dreams

Monsoon ends:a short story

had written it long time back.deleted it frm my other blogn reposted it here.

Monsoon ends.

Their love seemed to have ended…like an end to an unpredictable monsoon and the imminent arrival of autumn of life...

It was raining. I wanted to go out but she wouldn’t hear of it. It’s such a joy to get wet in the rains. But lately we haven’t gone out anywhere. I don’t know yet.
Last Sunday he had come for dinner. Perfunctory greetings exchanged, we sat down for the home made Chinese Mom excelled in.
‘So how’s school Phil?’ he asked.
I wished he would call me Phyllis and not Phil, which sounded like a boy’s name.
‘Fine Dad’, I replied.
‘I’m leaving day after. We are first going to Paris. From there, as our roads lead us....’
Mom just sat there nodding absent-mindedly.
I could never understand his sudden whim to see the world now. Now, when you were married a good 18 years, had a well-paying steady job in a bank and seemed perfectly at peace with the world. Mom and Dad had been together since school, which seemed like forever to me. And now Dad has been living separate from us for the past 3 months. Away at his own small dinghy which I called his penthouse for it was certainly larger than our own 3-bedroom apartment. Mid-life crisis? He wanted space, he had said. Wanted to explore the world, and live out the experiences he had missed out in his days of youth when he was busy making a career. But then, so had Mom. Yet I don’t see her packing her bags for a world tour and demanding her “space”.
‘…. Then maybe we’ll go to Venice. You know Phil its known as the City of Canals…’ he was going on.
‘Are you going alone or with somebody?’ I asked unaware of what he was talking about.
‘Er--with an old school friend. He and I had been thinking of such a trip since high school.’
Ok. So it wasn’t any ‘other woman’ case. Thank God. I couldn’t bear that. But even this growing distance wasn’t any better. Families are supposed to be together. If he doesn’t care, then neither do I.
‘Er—I’ve got to complete a school assignment... So... Goodnight Dad.’ I said and hastily excused myself.
Dad stayed for an hour more or so. I couldn’t care less about what they talked.
A week has passed since dad had come for dinner and... Goodbye. Moreover, it has been raining for 2 days now.
The doorbell rang. I waited for Mom to open the door but she was lost in her own thoughts. Grumbling and leaving my favorite seat by the window, I went to the door.
Standing on our mat, drenched in rain shivering all over was Dad.
He tried to smile. Failing miserably he just came in.
Mom was still in her own thoughts. Dad gave me an enquiring look to which I gave him one of those ‘its-all-your-fault-look’ and went away to resume my window seat.
‘I came from Paris’, he said.
Mom just sat there looking at him.
‘I went where we had gone 15 years before. You remember Café Farmville in Les Halles.?’
Mom nodded. I couldn’t understand what was going on.
‘Phyllis is still there. Would you believe it.?’
Both Mom and I shook our heads though I guess Mom understood something that I did not.
‘Must be very old now?’, said Mom.
‘Very. Has lost sight, partially though. But still remembers everything. Asked me if we had named our girl Phyllis….’
I did not want to know any of this. Both of them were looking at me and I was surprised how they could look a good two decades younger in two minutes.
“She still makes the best coffee. And is still waiting for her Armand”, Dad was saying.
He walked towards mom and crouched down beside her chair.
‘I wanted to see the world I thought I had missed in my youth. I wanted to explore it on my own. But as I traveled, all I could think was what we had done there when together... how we had watched the sun sink on the river Seine and made a promise to always watch the sun go down together.
After every two steps, I would stop and think about how you used to whine about walking long distances and I would offer to carry you in my arms instead.
At every monument, I recalled how you pestered others to click our photographs.
In every crowded street, I’d remember how you would grasp my arms so tightly that it hurt. At every shop, I’d smile at the memory of you buying the cheapest thing to save money for the rest of our trip.
Everywhere I went, all I thought was about how we used to fight and bicker, get tipsy and used to do all sorts of crazy things and how much I was missing it. How much I was missing you…I went exploring but it wasn’t complete without you. I set out on a journey of rediscovery... but all I rediscovered was the love I still have for you, as silly as it seemed in school, as mushy as it seemed in college, as demanding as it seemed when we slogged 20 hours a day, and as deep and strong as I see it now….’’
He didn’t complete what he wanted to say. Mom had taken him to our terrace and they stood watching the rain holding hands. As they had stood, 18 years back for their wedding picture on a rainy August day.
Now I know. I know why I love the rains. I know why my name is Phyllis when my Mom and Dad are Arin and Asha. And why Dad had come back.
Love is a journey that may seem too difficult at some time and you would like to go another way… but all roads lead to your love at the end of the day. Love goes on in all seasons... Even after monsoon is long gone and autumn is arriving.

Friday, June 02, 2006

another kiddish poem.

its all in my heart
with all the joys
and all the sorrow
but it all seems
so so good
i just cant say
how good it feels
i feel like singing
i feel like dancing
i feel like shouting
with the wind on my trail
my eyes just cry
is it joy or grief?
i ask and just smile
for i know ........
its just time
time for me to be
to be what i love
to be with whom i love
to just sit there and talk
and talk about you and me
you and me that's we
we for us and the world
it all seems just so good
is it what you call happy?

Thursday, June 01, 2006


jus scribbled it down... had 1st put it at orkut though..

Let loose into the wind
among the rustling leaves,
being blown away to
other lands far off..

A little flower travels
across vales and gales
in its fragrant form
lingering in so many places.

very incomplete though..